LIVE AND LOVE WITH ADHD
ADHD does not grow out - about 60% of all children with ADHD symptoms still show individual abnormalities in adulthood, which can strain a partnership.
ADHD abnormalities in adulthood are very individual and can span different areas, but all have in common that they can complicate the relationship. Unfortunately, many adults are unaware that they have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and they simply take their abnormalities as a common thread through their CV. They think these are character traits that cannot be changed and that simply exaggerate their fellow human beings, in this case, the partners.
Living with ADHD is often anything but a picnic. Fewest partners exaggerate in the descriptions of the daily challenges. The biggest thing is probably to make the affected partner understand that he does not react "normally" and that one suffers completely from his behavior. Although ADHD abnormalities are individual, there are some basic building blocks that many adults have.
- Cannot listen
- Forgetfulness
- Impulsiveness
- Jealousy (to the pathological jealousy)
- To control and own the partner
- Irritability (from 0 to 100 in 0.2 seconds)
- Disarray
- Promises are not kept
The list is not complete and the characteristics may vary in intensity, but ADHD can become an "explosive mix" in a partnership. People with ADHD often miss the so-called change of perspective. The ability to understand that other people have different feelings, desires and beliefs, in this case, is limited to nonexistent. Thus, when their wishes are not met or the partner has different views, the partners concerned are very angry. In these situations, the often limited impulse control is added. This means that those with ADHD can proverbially freak out, romp or behave like toddlers. But in these moments they can also become offensive and "mean" and try to persuade their partner by a "guilty conscience" to fulfill their wishes.
At these moments, many ADHD people start to argue, and the partner loses those discussions if he does not quit early. ADHD people have the ability to sell everything with these discussions. If you still think that the color is white, the affected people manage to sell that color as red - in discussing they are a unique tip, which in other circumstances, however, also represents an absolute strength.
Partnering with an ADHD victim is not easy, but not impossible. Here are some selected tips:
- Avoid phrases like "you must" and "you should". This immediately creates pressure and the discussion is open.
- Communicate your wishes and feelings over and over again. Due to the often lack of perspective, the wishes, views, and feelings of others are often not present.
- Do not engage in discussions. ADHD people like to argue for their lives and always win if they do not leave the situation in time. Tell me, before the situation escalates: "I have my opinion and you have yours and now we'll leave it that way until we calm down."
- Work on your self-confidence and stability. The emotional outbursts of those affected, which can well go under the belt, straining their own self-confidence. It is imperative that you are AWAKE to yourself and strengthen your self-confidence.
- Visit together ADHD coaching.
- Try to see your partner's behavior with HIS eyes, but do not apologize.
- Learn to set yourself apart and say "no." ADHD can have a very engaging nature, which sometimes leads to pathological jealousy. Set yourself apart and make it clear to your partner in a calm, relaxed minute that he hurts you with this behavior.
- Work with lists. Together with your ADHD partner, create to-do lists that your partner can use to orientate themselves. This concerns e.g. the household, the garbage, and the purchases. Work together to do the things that are important to you. These lists have proven to be of great help to people with ADHD.
- Determine fixed seats for certain items and mark them. Those affected are constantly looking for keys, money and mobile phones.
- If your ADHD partner is one of the most impulsive types, work together to develop important relationship rules in a quiet minute. "I do not want to be offended", "I want you to respect my views", "and I do not want to be your lightning rod". Once written in writing, an ADHD person can remember it better and it increases the chances of more harmony in the relationship.
- Make a list of strengths from your partner. Pay special attention to the strengths and positive qualities and make a note of them. In difficult phases, these notes can help you to focus on your strengths.
The possibilities of de-escalation are just as individual as the ADHD abnormalities themselves. Partners of ADHD sufferers should be careful not to lose themselves and adhere to their wishes and views. If de-escalation and relaxation techniques are no longer sufficient and life is heavily burdened by the partner's mood swings or jealousy, a couple of therapist specializing in ADHD, a therapist or even a coach will help. The advantage here is that these helpings come "from outside" and are not emotionally biased.
