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How people with ADHD really feel? - and what nobody knows.

How people with ADHD really feel? - and what nobody knows.


If you are "different" than the majority, then you get along very quickly. You notice it yourself and you get it from the outside mirrored enough. Even as a child. And later as an adult.

Depending on which aspects you are different from, there are several typical standard reviews, allegations, recommendations, tips and advice.

There are standard reviews for too-sensitive, for-insensitive, slow-to-slow, too-fast, too-smart, over-intelligent, too-loud, too-quiet, etc.

People with ADHD hear, e.g. very often, they should not be what they are. Specifically, they should think, feel and act differently.

How often do ADHD people get to hear from childhood, they should be more careful, they should "behave", concentrate, not get so excited, but stay calm, etc.

It all hurts a lot if you try it from his point of view. If you do your best and do not know how to do it differently.

What damage that can cause the self-esteem and self-confidence of ADHD children and adults, read this.

“What is written below certainly does not apply to all ADHD people. Of course, there are other life experiences as well. But in most experiences that is true for many”

The most common and worst criticism many ADHD people suffer from

As an ADHD coach, I've been listening to adult ADHD clients for over 10 years now, and there's a topic that keeps popping up and causing the very, very many ADHD people to suffer quietly and secretly.

They do not talk about it because nobody ever asks.

There is a charge, an appeal that children and adults with ADHD get over and over again:


 "Get more worked on, if you tried harder, you could do it."


In this formulation or any modification thereof.

People with ADHD should work harder. They need more self-discipline. They needed more bite.



And you know what?

In quite, very many places this is both an incredibly painful stab in the middle of the heart and a huge farce.

A stab in the back, because ADHD people usually work very well.

And a farce because it's not easy at the push of a button.

As it is in reality

The truth is:

People with ADHD are working hard. From morning to night. Over and over again.

Unfortunately, it does not look that way to others from outside.

As children doing homework, listening to lessons, working on tasks and keeping appointments, in the organization of everyday life, etc.

This is, of course, a bit generalized. But I make it so bold.

And how does a human being feel, how can a person feel, who in his view gives his best, struggles for his own potential - and then you simply recognize this effort? You do not see her? Do you still ask for more? It is not enough yet?

The truth is:

People with ADHD are working hard. From morning to night. Over and over again.

Unfortunately, it does not look that way to others from outside.

How many people with ADHD feel secret - without ever saying that?

Because in coaching I have always heard exactly that my clients have internalized, they should make more effort and because they suffer from the fact that they are working so hard and it still is not enough - so would like to take this opportunity to give expression to this silent suffering in public and to bring to light what is often unheard of.

A blogger recently gave a very vivid account of what I've heard countless times from my clients in my coaching sessions.

As a representative of all these ADHD people, who feel addressed by this topic, I quote here the comment of this blogger:

"Throughout my life, I have to discipline myself.

Discipline, not to attract attention, to be liked by all.

Discipline to sit and eat properly.

Discipline, not to get angry.

Discipline to take care, not to dream, to memorize things although I do not understand the meaning behind it (a nearly impossible undertaking, very painful and energy-consuming - like everything else in my life).

Discipline other people with my way of thinking not to overstrain.

To express discipline clearly and not to be insulting (although I never mean it that way).

Discipline to keep everything tidy, to manage me, my family, to be there for everyone.

Discipline mentally not always digress and indulge my really serious thought. Exploring relationships where others cannot see/grasp anything.

Discipline nothing to forget or just concentrate on the banal.

Discipline not to make mistakes (you have to be very well organized).

Discipline, discipline, discipline, motivation, self-reflection, etc. etc.

This is so exhausting. It robs me of the last powers. Activities and characteristics that people without AD (H) S can do without great effort, without major disciplinary action, and I can only be amazed if they can then spend even more strenuous hobbies in their free time.


As a kid, I was told not to dream so much and not to be distracted so much. I did not understand at all what was wrong with me.

In my view, I was always highly concentrated, I did not dream. On the contrary, only so many thoughts come to my mind that I cannot sort right away. That takes time. From my point of view, I have always been friendly - even though I wanted to shout out into the world "how rude you are in your chosen and YOUR language."

Yes, I need more time to learn something. That's why I'm not stupid because I have a lot of interests. I am curious about everything, would like to know and experience everything. Why do not the "others" want that?

But if I can do something - right - then I can do it better than anyone else (who might have cut off in a test with a "1"). Because I question everything - I learned not to let go - I learned to do something, to finish something.

If they knew how much strength they needed - they would have given up everything. Because what you demand from us, you would not even demand from Norma’s

I'm just so angry. For a lifetime I was funneled that I'm stupid that I'm not adorable. That's nothing from me. Who wants or can still grow there? Lost child / human souls. In a society in which everything and everyone is normalized (is so simple and so boring, yawn).

I am strong and refuse, always refusing to accept the opinions of ignorant (really stupid) people who do not feel, who cannot see, who cannot think and fantasize like me.

I am now 44 years old. I know only for about 6 weeks that I have this "talent". It was a huge relief for me to know that I am allowed to be like me. And certainly now. "

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